एक बात चली
तो कई बात टली
जब तुमने कही
सब हमने सुनी
कब सुबह हुई
कब शाम ढली
सब भूल गया
जब दिल की चली ।
———————————————————–
कसकर बाँधा था उसे
लोहे के बक्से मे डाला था
उसपर बडा़ सा ताला जड़ दिया
और चाबी भी गुम कर दी ।
सोचा था,
आज नहीं तो कल
दम तोड ही देगी ।
बडा़ बेवकूफ बना मैं
वो मरना कहां जानती है
बात-बात पर बाहर निकल आती है
कभी डायरी के इस पन्ने से
कभी एलबम के उस पन्ने से
या
यूं ही कभी तन्हाई मे साथ देने को ।
परेशानी बस इतनी है
नए रिश्तों से खुब कतराती है ।
इन पुरानी यादों का कोइ इलाज़ है क्या ?
बहुत अच्छी कविताएँ लिखी है ।
घुघूती बासूती
bahut achi panktiyan hain…..
bahut achi panktiyan hain…
कम शब्दों में अच्छा कहा है.. खासकर दूसरी कविता में… बहुत खूब पिरोया है यादों को..
Sab bhool gaya jab dil ki chali….
That is soo very beautiful!!
‘baat chali..” kavita achchi lagi, the same kavita could be said in so many more passages and still not be as effective as it is, i liked the way u have developed that crispness, shayad yeh tumhare ‘sawal’ ke experience ka asar hai! swanand ne bhi wohi baat kahi thi lekin so sharp char line mein puri! tum guru dhoondo somu. tum bohot achcha likhte ho. dekh koi toh hoga celebrity ki zaroorat nahi hai, koi achcha learned writer ho sakta hai, aur khud ki style ko dhyaan mein rakhkar guru chunna nahi toh pata chala chandraprakash dwidedi ko chun liya! hes also excellent but u have a different style more like swanand. i wld say dnt waste time, u r no doubt very talented but u definitely need lot of polishing. looking forward to ur poems…i love reading them, enjoy the honesty and innocence in ur poetry even ur recent ‘puraani yaadein..’ is nice but again agar us poem ki end mein uska pura matlab chuppa tha toh reader ko end ke us key word tak yeh bhanak bhi nahi lagni chahiye ki tum kis cheez ka zikar kar rahe ho..the reader hopes to be surprised by the end and also enjoy exploring every line which hints its end. i felt ‘puraani yaadein’ missed the surprise element..mujhe dusri hi line mein pata chal gaya tht u r talkin abt memories. yeh ‘baksaa’, ‘pudiya’, ‘tijori’…kuch aur sochte! i wld give it 3 on 5, woh bhi sirf isliye ke its a very pictureseque language, could visualise exactly wht the words meant, which is an achievemnt for a writer…tu screenplay achcha kar sakta hai…jaldi guru dhoond!
achhi baat hai somen sahab…………yaadon wali kavita toh bahut hi achhi hai!!
aur likho….aur aur likho!!
वो मरना कहां जानती है………..इन पुरानी यादों का कोइ इलाज़ है क्या ?
sundar pankiyan hai
i agree u
wow I loved the kuch baat chali poem lovely!
yaadon ka koii ilaaj nahi, shayad isiliye kisi ne kaha hai…
Yaad-e-maazi azaab hai yaa rab,
cheen le mujhse haafizaa mera…
bahut khoob likha hai aapne
ultimate thought…hats off to you!
very nice yaar
kafi achchha likha hai aapne agar aap chahe to our bhi achchha likh sakte …………….best of luck
poem bahut hi achhi lagi,yaadon wali…….words bhi kitne achhe se arange kiya hai apne…….fantastic